Now? I feel like I get some sort of plague monthly, sometimes bimonthly if I'm lucky. It's stupid.
What bothers me most about getting sick is missing work. Being a massage therapist, I am giving a lot of myself to clients in each and every session, both physically and emotionally. I hate beyond hate having to call and cancel on people, having to tell my coworkers and boss that I can't come in. Again.
You know, like today. (Except I actually went in, felt like crap, had a mental breakdown, then left. Awesome.)
When I have to miss out or leave like that, I start obsessing about everyone being mad at me. And how I think I'm going to get fired, because I feel like I miss at least a day or two a month from some random cold or migraine or whatnot. And I stress about it and stress about it, and often end up feeling worse, or wondering if I'm actually sick at all or if it's all in my head.
Given that I'm learning so much about nutrition and self-care in school right now.. shouldn't this be getting better? Shouldn't my immune system be a rockstar from all the healthy foods I eat? Shouldn't I be able to recover quicker with all the home remedies I supply myself with?
Well.. probably not, when I fret and stress the way I do, both in general and about being sick in and of itself.
So here's my current theory.
Someone asked me a while ago, "when did your anxiety start?" (I have generalized anxiety, btdubs.) And I knew right away - it was when Scot and I got into a minor fender-bender almost five years ago, on I-95 in Delaware. It was like the tipping point for me - the edge of the cliff that I just sort of slid down from that point on. Life was a bit hectic back then, I was beginning to process some hard life events that happened in the past, and it all just sort of came to a heads. The anxiety was really bad for a while, manifesting itself in weekly panic attacks, phantom chest and leg pain, migraine auras, and hypochondriac tendencies. It has since subsided somewhat, but comes out in full force during particularly stressful times.
Someone else later asked me, "when did your digestive issues start?" And this one, I had to think about for a bit. I've been dealing with random digestive issues for a while now, stuff that I never had to worry about as a kid, or even up through college. It all started more recently.. in fact, I think I can trace it back to that little accident and the onset of my anxiety.
Funny how that happens. I'm now starting to ask myself, "when did your frequent illness start?", and am slowly beginning to realize that perhaps it was 'induced', if you will, by the accident as well. I know for certain it wasn't before that.
All of this is to say, I can't believe how much impact one small event can have on my life. And while I've learned and grown from it, something still lingers. My body is still trying to figure something out, both physically and mentally.. heck, even a bit emotionally and spiritually, too, I think.
Things I know: I don't handle stress well, even though I convince myself that I do. I am a perfectionist, and really put myself down when I don't meet my own standards, or those that I believe other people have of me. I also want it all, right now, no waiting - something virtually impossible for pretty much everyone in life, ever. I also don't do well with criticism, or failure.
A lot of things seem to be getting in the way of me being more accepting and just happy and healthy, huh?
So while one of my main goals is to become more educated about nutrition and take better care of my body, a recently developed side-goal is to take better care of myself in all aspects. Even though I thought I already did, it's clearly not enough. Maybe if I mentally stress less, my body will stay healthier and ergo, be under less stress as well. If I focus on being happier in general.. I'll be healthier. And then I won't get all sick and gross and need to call out of work every other day.
So.. here's to health! And hopefully a sick-free spring? (After whatever I have now clears up, that is!)
Does stress tend to have a negative impact on you? How do you cope?
1 comment:
I feel you sister! I have seriously experienced this so much. I have turned my life upside down and back around to be as healthy as possible, but it's like I'm getting worse.
But I'm healthier!! I whine to my nutritionist who just tells me what it seems like every time I see her that I need to cut another food out of my diet.
The list is gluten, dairy, pineapple, shrimp... just an ugh.
And lately I've had this pretty much had a sinus headache and cold for over FIVE weeks.
My nutritionist has told me though, that once you make that connection to "you are what you eat" we sense everything so much more, and it is BECAUSE we are so healthy that the littlest thing gets us down, our bodies can't handle the crap anymore, because we've become so much more aware of it.
That's her theory anyway.
I've been eating chia seeds a lot lately (which I've started selling) and it's making a huge difference already, I can eat small amounts of dairy without dying (still NO milk).
Also, I know I messaged you before about Body Talk, but you should look and see if there is someone in your area that practices Body Talk, it really helped me work through some "significant moments" in my life that cause rippled problems in my life without me really even realizing it. So many people don't make that body-mind connection in our health!
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