Getting my groove back

It's been some time, hasn't it? It's amazing how much I find myself missing this blog, and blogging in general - it was such a huge part of my life for such a long time and then it just sort of.. faded away. Writing has always been an enjoyable hobby and outlet for me, and I hate that I let it get away from me for so long!!

So much has happened in this past year, and while I don't want to dwell on it, I also think it's important to finally put it into words at some point. The good, the bad, the ugly. It's all important and it's all a part of what has shaped me into the person I am today.

I find it appropriate that my last post on here was about my arrow tattoo. Whether it was apparent to anyone else at the time or not, that tattoo and its symbology went deeper than anyone could imagine. It was and remains to this day one of my most beloved, a true symbol of the time and what was to come.

An arrow can only be shot by pulling backward; when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it is merely getting ready to launch you into something great.

Here's the deal (abridged): Scot and I had been going through some rough spots for a while. And things kept getting worse. Momentarily better.. and then even worse than before. And in my heart of hearts, where I hoped that the things dragging me back would eventually heal my relationship and marriage, I didn't know which way was up. Didn't know where I was headed, what was about to happen, or how I would possibly get through it. And we took some time apart, which turned into a legal separation, which is now an almost-final divorce.

Phew.

So that happened (is happening). And while leaving a crumbling marriage was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, it was also for the best. I wasn't happy. Things weren't right. The magic and the trust that once blessed our relationship was gone. Don't get me wrong - we tried - we tried pretty much everything. And I'll get into some of that eventually. But maybe some things just aren't meant to be.

Let's be honest - there are absolutely times where I miss him, and I miss what we once had - is it possible not to? It's easy to remember the good things. But I am also proud of where I am and who I've become since then, honestly, as a result of it all. The same way our relationship helped shaped my life, so has our breakup. It's all a part of life.

So that's that (well, sort of). Things are definitely different from the last time I shared a bit on here. But that's just how it is.. 2 things are certain in life: death, and change. Might as well embrace it.

Keep smiling, keep trucking' along.. we'll all get there someday. Peace and love, chickadees.
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Number Nine

This past Tuesday, I somewhat impulsively added to my body's art collection with my ninth tattoo. I say impulsively in that I didn't necessarily have this particular new piece planned for a very long time (as many of my others have been), but it is by no means lesser in meaning or stature.

I've hinted a few times since I started this blog back up that things have been a bit tough lately; life has been seriously testing me for the past several months (or, let's be honest.. most of 2014). I'm starting to find my footing again, trying to move forward despite continual setbacks, and really what I have to go on is whatever faith I can find and a sense of hope.. which isn't always easy to muster.

Anyway, I came across this quote a while back.

An arrow can only be shot by pulling backward; when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it is merely getting ready to launch you into something great.

And it rang so incredibly true to my life right now. Call it basic, call it trendy, I really don't give a flying eff. This arrow symbolizes more to me than words can fully describe. I feel like I'm on the verge of something - and hopefully it's something great - but I can't possibly get there without I'm going through now. I wouldn't be put through this life if I couldn't handle it - I firmly believe that. Sure, it may suck. I may be blessed with a bad string of luck while others around me seem to sail along; who knows. All I know is that all my past experiences, good and bad, have made me into the person I am today, and everything I'm experiencing now will just help me evolve into the person I'll be tomorrow, next month, next year.

Life, man. Challenging shit.

((Disclaimer: yes this arrow is on my spine, but it really wasn't too bad. I asked my artist if I was crazy and he told me that compared to the tattoos I got on my foot and ribs.. this would be a breeze. Glad to know I always insist on the worst spots to put ink.))

SUP Yoga

In my continued effort to try new things, be more active, and be more independent (as in, being okay doing things on my own without Scot or a friend), I decided to try my hand at yoga.. on a stand-up paddle board (SUP).

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First off, you'd be amazed at all the nature that the DC area actually has around it - most notably Rock Creek Park and the Potomac River. And while the Potomac isn't exactly the most beautiful (or cleanest) in the world, it has a ton of canals and little tributaries throughout the area that are actually quite nice and peaceful. It's like a little getaway without getting away - the trails, the still water, the waterfalls and birds chirping - it's like a mini urban oasis, if you know where to go.

I knew that folks would kayak or fish (ew) on the water, but the concept of stand-up paddle boarding was a new one to me as of a couple months ago. It looked cool enough - just stand and paddle and not get wet - and my initial thought was to try it out in Maine a bit with the boy. But then the buzz about SUP yoga started to appear on my Facebook news feed, on Instagram, at my yoga studio.. and while the idea completely terrified me (um hi, YOGA on the WATER?!).. I also knew I had to do it. So I signed up on a whim for a morning class this past Tuesday.

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It turns out that not many folks like to go do yoga on the Potomac at 9:30am on a Tuesday.. which was fine with me, because I ended up getting a one-on-one session with Lisa, my instructor. It also made me feel much better when I completely wiped out and got a bit wet as a result of a shaky Warrior I and revolved triangle. It's a whole different ball game on a wobbly board than the ground, let me tell you! (It also didn't help that my board was missing a fin, making it a bit less stable as well.) You are forced to truly focus on the task at hand - great for those of us who find our minds wandering during a regular class sometimes - and you really have to tap into your core. I was sore like woah the next two days!!

All things told, I thought I did okay.. and the dip in the water was actually quite refreshing! I'd love to try the class with more people, and perhaps at night when you can watch the sunset happening right around savasana time. My yoga teacher this morning mentioned doing that exact thing last night, and it sounds purely magical. Now all we need are some unicorns.

I definitely plan on doing the class again before they close up for the fall/winter - maybe even make a regular routine next summer. Just you wait - this will be me in no time!

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..well you know. At least after I nail it on the floor first.

Have you tried SUP yoga, or anything fun and different lately? I'm always looking for more!

The Newest Addition

I recently commented on how the hubs and I aren't really in the wanting-to-have-kids camp right now; but that's not to say that we are soulless, heartless folks who can't care for anything. Quite the contrary, actually, as we are totes magotes one of those couples who considers their animals to be their "kids".

The current clan, up until Wednesday, included 2 kitties and a pup.  One cat (Tegan) I got from a friend in Philly who had a litter of kittens, and the kitten (Platypus) and dog (Juno) both came from a local spot called Washington Animal Rescue League (WARL). Seriously the bees knees.. if you're in the DC area and looking to adopt/save a life - go there.

(At one point, we did have 3 cats, but my oldest - Tully, 7yrs - passed away due to lymphoma in December. His illness was the main reason we got the third cat, to try and bridge the gap for our other cat and dog. Turns out newbie got along better with the cat that passed than the one we still have.. but no matter. He and the dog are BFFs!)

Scot has been hounding me for a second dog pretty much since we got our first one, and the answer has always been a resounding NO. See, I tend to get overwhelmed easily. At least when it came to having and training a dog - that was  an experience I realized I may not have been fully prepared for when it happened. Getting a dog made me realize how much I am definitely a "cat person" - they're independent, cuddly, and small. All things that jive well with my life. But that's not to say that I don't like dogs - I love 'em - but going into that was seriously similar to having a child (says the childless wonder over here). At least my mom said it was similar, and she HAS had a kid.. so yea. I'll trust her and agree.

But for the past two years, the hubs would always go onto WARL's adoption page and send me pictures of cute dogs that needed rescuing. And even though their little eyes would stare deep into my soul, begging for me to take them home.. I had to be realistic. Two cats and two dogs (not to mention two humans), in our little duplex? No.

But then there was Ballerina. Scot sent me her picture and bio several times.. to be honest, her name alone had me hooked (former dancer, here!). And she was some form of boxer/bulldog/pit mix, which is freaking adorable when you mush them all together. Week after week went by, and her name kept appearing on the adoption site. Two months.. three months.. no one was adopting her.

Finally, I agreed to go in to see her - "just to look". (Famous last words.) I think I was still on my Chris Carrabba high from the day before, because after meeting her, I told Scot that if she was okay with the dog and the cats, we could adopt her.

Without going too much into detail - and since we ALL know where this is going - we ended up bringing her home just 4 days later, this past Wednesday!

She's 3 years old, and came from a kill shelter in DC before making it to WARL. She has clearly had at least one litter of puppies at some point in her life, and definitely has some abandonment issues. She was put on Prozac just a few weeks ago since the stress of being at shelters so long was clearly getting to her, and was incredibly timid in her crate but really opened up once we got her in a bigger room with just the two of us. The staff at WARL believes she wasn't getting adopted in part because of her breed, in part because of how not active she was in her kennel when people walked by, and in part because of the unending loop - she wasn't being adopted, and people don't want "unadoptable" pets. We were told she has select dog-reactivity, some leash aggression (as in, chews up her leash), and has a prey drive - which is a toss up in the air about whether or not she will ever get along with our cats.

All this being said, it actually made us want to adopt her more - to truly save and rescue her. We brought our dog Juno in to meet her ahead of time, and they got along just fine. We then spoke to the behavior specialist/trainer who has been working with Ballerina over the past few months, who gave us great tips on introducing her to the cats slowly. Everything was looking up, and it was like our answer was made for us. When we picked her up, I can't even tell you how many people/staff came to say how happy they were, how much they would miss her, and how great she is. That right there nearly made me cry!

So we officially have a full house, and I swear to you if Scot sends me another picture of a dog I will make him sleep on the couch.

Oh - and I almost forgot! We renamed her Khaleesi. MOTHER OF DRAGONS. (Ballerina was just her shelter name!)

The Struggle is Real.

Unngghh. Birthdays.

Well getting older, really. Because let's be honest, I kind of love my birthday. The amount of coupons and free things that you get alone are enough to get anyone excited. (Free yoga class! $5 off my next hair appointment! $10 off at Victoria's Secret! Free gifts at Sephora! ALL THE PRESENTS!)

I think what is getting to me most this year isn't so much the physical number, but more-so the life changes I'm noticing as I get older. Don't get me wrong, some of them are amazing - but some them can also be a bit depressing. Things change - it's a part of life - but when I occasionally take the time to look at my life last year, five years ago, ten years ago - it's of crazy. Not only with what is happening in my life, but who I am as a person. What I've done, where I've gone, how my life has turned out thus far.

Basically, I'm getting all introspective in my last year of my 20's. (Thanks, yoga.) And no, I'm not super freaked by turning 30 - everyone I know says their 30's are better than their 20's, so kudos to that!

But, as with anything, there's going to be the good, the bad, and the ugly.

What's In A Name

Part of what I love about the name of this blog - as well as my developing health coaching practice - is the name. It's something that I had thought about for a while, and something that, ultimately, was decided by what I wanted my target market to be for said health coaching. (That, and it was what was available when I went looking for a domain name.)

I tossed around a ton of ideas for a good few weeks, but eventually landed on The Unveiled Life. It just worked, you know? It had the subtle bridal/wedding reference I was looking for, and it made sense with the health coaching aspect of my life.  I was actually also incredibly inspired by my friend Sara's blog - Fit for a Bride - and the relevance and catchiness of her title in relation to her content. (Btw, please go check her stuff out!!)

Side note: Sara has been an amazing person to bounce ideas off of, as we are both pretty much working towards similar goals with our blogs and websites. Health, fitness, weddings.. a few of our most favorite things! (Bonus perk is that we got to spend a ton of time together to chat about it all two weeks ago in Texas.. more on that soon!)

One of my goals is to have the feel of this site to be that of complete honesty - to be life, unveiled. As some of my past posts have already shown, there are high points and low points, good days and bad days. We're all human, and that means we're all real. And to me, that's where the real beauty lies. When we can be honest with ourselves and content with what we have in front of us - that's a good life. I might even go so far as to say, an unveiled life..?! ;)

And so, in the spirit of living said life, I'm starting a fun little series - "Sporadic Sunday". In other words, a few completely random, but completely honest statements about me and my life. Think of it as being akin to that fun little "Hey, it's ok.." column in Glamour magazine (that *might* be my most favorite part of the magazine most months...).

I'm 28, married, have four furbabies.. but I still love to go out and dance like I did in my early 20's. It's actually more fun for me now because I don't need to worry about the whole dating scene and can just have a good time!

I love wine. I mean, I really  love wine. And typically have a glass or two most every night. And maybe even a bit earlier in the day on the weekends. And I'm ok with it. Yum.

I gave up both red meat and pork for Lent about 12 years ago and haven't looked back since. My weakness? Hot dogs. So classy, I know. But OMG they are so good!

Any random tidbits you'd care to share about yourself today? Like.. what's your guilty pleasure food?? I know you have one!

Looking a bit deeper.

Let's rewind a hot minute. Remember when I said I would write about our new housing situation.. months (years? eons? lifetimes?) ago?

Right. Well clearly, that didn't happen.

But thanks to my renewed gusto for blogging (in part thanks to school, friends, and just a general desire to write, since I love it and haven't done much of it in quite a long time) - it's still on the list!

But first: let's talk about foody, nutrition type things. Because that's kind of why I started this blog in the first place!

Disclaimer: ish is about to get real.

One of my weekly modules while attending IIN included a magnificent talk by Geneen Roth about compulsive eating and other food-related disorders. It was fascinating to listen to - especially seeing that this woman has been through it all: diet pills, anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, binge eating. You name it, she had experienced it at some point in her life. This in and of itself clearly drew me in, as I have had my own experiences with a few of the same issues.

The reason this woman is such a powerful source of wisdom and knowledge comes partially from her life experiences, but also her realization that our relationship to food is actually a mirror of our relationship to ourself, to our lives, and what we think we deserve. Eating disorders are not just eating disorders.. they are reflective of something much deeper going on in our minds and our lives. She was one of the first people to come out to not only say, but show, that compulsive eating (or lack there of) is a primary symptom of a deeper issue, not the primary problem.

This all relates back to the basic principles of IIN - ones that I whole-heartedly agree with - ones that made me fall in love with the school and its nutrition program in the first place. The concept that our primary foods (like our relationships, career, physical activity, spirituality, finances, etc) feed us just as much if not more than our secondary foods (what we actually put into our bodies). No, a great relationship is not going to make you less hungry, but it may prevent you from eating a pint of ice cream every other night or binging on a bag kettle chips (not that I'd know). All I'm saying is that what we eat is so amazingly indicative of other things going on in our minds and lives.

Roth's talk contained nothing particularly new for me, but it really opened my eyes and made me think about my own situation a bit differently. I always knew that my bulimia was a direct result of never feeling good enough, thin enough, pretty enough to be a dancer - and then, just in general. But I stopped my thinking and analysis of it there. I had a reason, that should be good enough.. right?

But it's not. I've started to think of all the little things that make up those reasons. How my dance teacher, when I was no more than 9 years old, said I could really move forward and be good, if only I were thinner. How my cousin mocked me for being big. How my mom couldn't get over how great I looked my junior year in college, right after I had strep throat, wasn't eating anything, and lost a good 8 pounds. About how, when I gained some of the weight back, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me. (Was it for that reason? I don't know, likely not - but it sure felt like it, and I wasn't in a good place, causing my mind to make up all sorts of crazy excuses.) The moments I was least in control, what I put into and out of my body seemed to be the only thing I could control - whether it simply be through binge eating, or binge eating turned bulimia.

All of this is to say that these things add up. And when I look at the times when I was unhappiest with my body and the things I put into it, I was also, 99% of the time, unhappy with one/many aspects of my life. When I was younger, it was dealing with my parents divorce and the tension between them that carried through much of my day to day life. In college, it was being single for the first time in 6 years, which was incredibly hard for me. Currently, it's a stressful job situation and nostalgia for New York - the city I never got to live in and will always wonder "what if".

So clearly, despite being a health coach and yoga buff and seemingly all put together (at least most days), I still have my own stuff I'm trying to work out. But going to IIN, hearing all these wonderful lectures from folks like Geneen Roth and Andrew Weil, reflecting on my own life and experiences, has given me so much more insight and and motivation to not only heal myself, but help heal others as well. Because everyone has something - it's the nature of life.

I'm curious - have you ever realized how things in your everyday life - relationships, family, career, to name a few - have affected what goes into (and even out of) your body?