About beliefs & finding them.

Maybe, for 2015, we focus on who we want to become instead of what we want to do.

You may or may not know this about me, but both of my parents are Lutheran pastors; so was my dad's father.

Needless to say, I grew up heavily involved in the church. We lived in the parsonage next door (my dad still does) and I was in church every Sunday; I was in the Youth Group, in choir, was Mary in our Christmas pageant, taught Vacation Bible School when I was old enough.. church was just a part of life. And honestly? I loved it.

When I went to college, my parents definitely made sure I knew where the closest Lutheran church was. Not saying that I actually went.. like many college kids who grew up going to church every Sunday, I was finally "free". I could go if I wanted, or I could sleep in and nurse that hangover. Or go to church with a hangover. You get the point. Really, I could make up my own mind about it either way and not feel (too much) guilt if I didn't go.

The short of it is that I didn't ever consistently pick up going to church once college hit, except for Easter and Christmas. Then, due to work situations, Easter was give or take depending on the year. Then, when I started going to Christmas with Scot's family (who is not religious at all), I stopped going to Christmas Eve services in lieu of being able to spend time with his family. My in-laws would occasionally come with me if I wanted to go (apparently she grew up Lutheran, he Catholic), but that maybe totaled 2 times out of the past 6 years.

Scot himself identifies as being atheist, and I would personally say I am more along the agnostic side, at least right now. I know I believe in something - and I'm fairly certain it's God - but I'm in that weird wishy-washy state of trying to really find what it is that I believe in.

So sometime last year, a very close friend mentioned that she and her husband started going to this nondenominational church in DC that they both really liked and resonated with, called District Church. It took me a while to get my butt there, but this past Christmas Eve, I took the plunge and checked it out (bonus points since Scot actually came - didn't participate, but hey he was there). And it was really something special - a group of people with a common core, with the Bible presented in a way that made it incredibly relatable to life today, without a lot of the nuances you get from traditional church. The congregation averaged in the 20s/30s/40s age range - some shouting "Amen!" at points, some staying quiet, some singing the carols of the night and listening intently (that would be me). Overall, it was a pretty great experience and I met a few lovely people.

A few weeks later, my friend mentioned that the church has several small groups that are starting up in the new "semester" - one being a women's group meeting just around the corner from where she lives. We both decided to take the plunge together - maybe this would be a good way to explore our relationships with God a bit more.. maybe we would meet some other cool women? But.. would it be too "churchy"? Would it be what we were each separately looking for?

The first meeting was this past Monday, and the best thing I can say is that I will definitely be going back. All the women were incredibly nice, and many of us were new to the small group thing, which actually helped put me at ease a bit. We talked about the sermons over the past two weeks (they have podcasts available if you missed church - this is clutch), how we can relate to them, and different ways to "share the Word" with others. One particular sermon was about tending to your soul (I could write a whole post on this on its own.. see quote above), and this in particular has really been resonating with me lately. The timing of it all coincides with a lot of interesting things in my life right now, and I feel that this group can be a very good thing for me this year. We are already set to be volunteering for MLK day in DC next week, and the assignment for the week after is to read through the book of Ruth.

Now if I'm being completely honest.. I'm not 100% sure how on board I am with reading through the Bible and "spreading the Word" right now. I still feel like I'm trying to find my footing, and most of these ladies are very sure of their God and what/who they believe in. The best I can do is try and take it one step at a time - at the very least, I can definitely see myself getting to know the women and the group a bit better.. maybe even "find myself" a bit more in the process.

Plus, I learned about a bunch of fun apps since, um, I'm not exactly sure I still have a Bible handy.

I'd love to know if anyone else has a similar situation - whether with finding their belief or going to a small group?