Getting my groove back

It's been some time, hasn't it? It's amazing how much I find myself missing this blog, and blogging in general - it was such a huge part of my life for such a long time and then it just sort of.. faded away. Writing has always been an enjoyable hobby and outlet for me, and I hate that I let it get away from me for so long!!

So much has happened in this past year, and while I don't want to dwell on it, I also think it's important to finally put it into words at some point. The good, the bad, the ugly. It's all important and it's all a part of what has shaped me into the person I am today.

I find it appropriate that my last post on here was about my arrow tattoo. Whether it was apparent to anyone else at the time or not, that tattoo and its symbology went deeper than anyone could imagine. It was and remains to this day one of my most beloved, a true symbol of the time and what was to come.

An arrow can only be shot by pulling backward; when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it is merely getting ready to launch you into something great.

Here's the deal (abridged): Scot and I had been going through some rough spots for a while. And things kept getting worse. Momentarily better.. and then even worse than before. And in my heart of hearts, where I hoped that the things dragging me back would eventually heal my relationship and marriage, I didn't know which way was up. Didn't know where I was headed, what was about to happen, or how I would possibly get through it. And we took some time apart, which turned into a legal separation, which is now an almost-final divorce.

Phew.

So that happened (is happening). And while leaving a crumbling marriage was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, it was also for the best. I wasn't happy. Things weren't right. The magic and the trust that once blessed our relationship was gone. Don't get me wrong - we tried - we tried pretty much everything. And I'll get into some of that eventually. But maybe some things just aren't meant to be.

Let's be honest - there are absolutely times where I miss him, and I miss what we once had - is it possible not to? It's easy to remember the good things. But I am also proud of where I am and who I've become since then, honestly, as a result of it all. The same way our relationship helped shaped my life, so has our breakup. It's all a part of life.

So that's that (well, sort of). Things are definitely different from the last time I shared a bit on here. But that's just how it is.. 2 things are certain in life: death, and change. Might as well embrace it.

Keep smiling, keep trucking' along.. we'll all get there someday. Peace and love, chickadees.
SaveSave