To be completely honest, sometimes I feel like a phony. I feel like when (if) I tell people that I am going back to school (again) for nutrition and to become a health coach, they'll just laugh in my face.
I can't really say why. Maybe because I feel like I don't "walk the talk" enough. I don't eat completely organically, I really (really) love a glass of wine or two most nights, I constantly crave crunchy, salty foods, I totally have binge-induced moments, I'm often anxious.. you know how it goes. And truth is, I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I mean.. who the hell am I to be helping others improve their lives and their health, when I often feel so lost with my own?
In the grand scheme of things, no - things really aren't so bad. Where I am now is leaps and bounds ahead of where I was even four years ago.
But it's a process. I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect, and I don't want others to think I am. I got into this to help myself, but I quickly realized how much I actually wanted to help others, too - others like me, I guess - others who experience the same frustrations and challenges, but who also really want to change them for the better. To implement a newer, healthier lifestyle.. not a quick (temporary) fix.
So.. what's changed in my life over these past few years? I have to think about that for a minute.
For one, I met Scot. And while I was very much ok on my own.. there's something to be said about love, and about relationships in general. I was so lucky in that I found a good one; one that supports and loves and nurtures and challenges (in a positive way). All of it - all of him - changed me. He's helped me stay true to myself, and I love him fiercely for that.
I also started cooking more in the past few years. I read more books, and I went back to blogging regularly - a necessary creative outlet that I let go of for a while, but am attempting to find my voice with once more. I made new friends - good, genuine friends. I've made a new home for myself in a new state and city, and I've fallen in love with it.
Furthermore, I went back to school for massage therapy three years ago, and thus, got out of my restaurant- and desk-job rut. While those careers are great for some, neither were for me. I needed to tap into something that would help me help others - something where I could use my love of movement in conjunction with my intuition and caring nature. Massage has been able to fill that space for a long time, but recently, I have found myself craving even more. Not necessarily different.. just more.
Enter: my enrollment at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, with the ultimate goal of adding the title of health coach to my job description. It goes without saying that going through IIN's program is helping in and of itself, for sure. Since just this past November, I am now about 98% dairy free (I just can't seem to give up cheese entirely!), I've cut most pasta out of my diet, I drink way less coffee and alcohol, and my yoga practice has picked back up. I've started experimenting with spinach- and kale-infused green smoothies in the morning, and I've come to swear by coconut oil. I eat out less often and experiment more with different vegetables.
But, despite all these great, amazing, positive changes.. I've realized that stress is a killer for me. I get stressed, and all the fresh fruit and vegetables in the world wouldn't be able to satisfy my craving for some tortilla chips or chocolate. And while I've mostly learned to forgive myself for this occasional behavior (I mean, I seriously can't help the current PMSing!), I both want and need to get to a point where I don't sweat the small stuff. Where I can deconstruct my cravings and handle them better. Where all of this is second nature, and not such a challenge for me.
And really, it all starts with the old mantra, "one day at a time".
Look how far I've come already.. there's no reason that can't be enough, at least for now. I've made so many small changes, but they all took their own time over the last few months. And with a bit more, maybe I can reach my goal of being more confident and less frazzled. To be even more in tune with my body and have a more well-rounded, satisfying life. That's what this is all about, when it comes down to it.
So, this is my commitment to myself, and to you. I'm not about to hide anything in an attempt to make it all sunshine and rainbows (clearly). But, I am here to inspire, to help, to listen, and to share.
I hope you'll take this journey with me.
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