Right. Well clearly, that didn't happen.
But thanks to my renewed gusto for blogging (in part thanks to school, friends, and just a general desire to write, since I love it and haven't done much of it in quite a long time) - it's still on the list!
But first: let's talk about foody, nutrition type things. Because that's kind of why I started this blog in the first place!
One of my weekly modules while attending IIN included a magnificent talk by Geneen Roth about compulsive eating and other food-related disorders. It was fascinating to listen to - especially seeing that this woman has been through it all: diet pills, anorexia, bulimia, orthorexia, binge eating. You name it, she had experienced it at some point in her life. This in and of itself clearly drew me in, as I have had my own experiences with a few of the same issues.
The reason this woman is such a powerful source of wisdom and knowledge comes partially from her life experiences, but also her realization that our relationship to food is actually a mirror of our relationship to ourself, to our lives, and what we think we deserve. Eating disorders are not just eating disorders.. they are reflective of something much deeper going on in our minds and our lives. She was one of the first people to come out to not only say, but show, that compulsive eating (or lack there of) is a primary symptom of a deeper issue, not the primary problem.
This all relates back to the basic principles of IIN - ones that I whole-heartedly agree with - ones that made me fall in love with the school and its nutrition program in the first place. The concept that our primary foods (like our relationships, career, physical activity, spirituality, finances, etc) feed us just as much if not more than our secondary foods (what we actually put into our bodies). No, a great relationship is not going to make you less hungry, but it may prevent you from eating a pint of ice cream every other night or binging on a bag kettle chips (not that I'd know). All I'm saying is that what we eat is so amazingly indicative of other things going on in our minds and lives.
Roth's talk contained nothing particularly new for me, but it really opened my eyes and made me think about my own situation a bit differently. I always knew that my bulimia was a direct result of never feeling good enough, thin enough, pretty enough to be a dancer - and then, just in general. But I stopped my thinking and analysis of it there. I had a reason, that should be good enough.. right?
But it's not. I've started to think of all the little things that make up those reasons. How my dance teacher, when I was no more than 9 years old, said I could really move forward and be good, if only I were thinner. How my cousin mocked me for being big. How my mom couldn't get over how great I looked my junior year in college, right after I had strep throat, wasn't eating anything, and lost a good 8 pounds. About how, when I gained some of the weight back, my boyfriend at the time broke up with me. (Was it for that reason? I don't know, likely not - but it sure felt like it, and I wasn't in a good place, causing my mind to make up all sorts of crazy excuses.) The moments I was least in control, what I put into and out of my body seemed to be the only thing I could control - whether it simply be through binge eating, or binge eating turned bulimia.
All of this is to say that these things add up. And when I look at the times when I was unhappiest with my body and the things I put into it, I was also, 99% of the time, unhappy with one/many aspects of my life. When I was younger, it was dealing with my parents divorce and the tension between them that carried through much of my day to day life. In college, it was being single for the first time in 6 years, which was incredibly hard for me. Currently, it's a stressful job situation and nostalgia for New York - the city I never got to live in and will always wonder "what if".
So clearly, despite being a health coach and yoga buff and seemingly all put together (at least most days), I still have my own stuff I'm trying to work out. But going to IIN, hearing all these wonderful lectures from folks like Geneen Roth and Andrew Weil, reflecting on my own life and experiences, has given me so much more insight and and motivation to not only heal myself, but help heal others as well. Because everyone has something - it's the nature of life.
I'm curious - have you ever realized how things in your everyday life - relationships, family, career, to name a few - have affected what goes into (and even out of) your body?
1 comment:
nice to see you blogging again!!
I am definitely aware of this! I wish it was as simple as what you want for yourself, and what you put in your body... but it's so much more complex
You'll never be successful at eating well for your body if you don't feel well about life... and that's so frustrating because you can have it *so* together and then something in your life derails things, and you health jumps off the tracks too.
I hear ya on job stress! It has taken a huggggeeee toll on my eating well, self-love, the works.
Your program sounds amazing and so rewarding!!!
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